


they would want no other

by Silvestria



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi - Fandom, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), I have not seen the film, Pure Speculation, The Last Jedi - Freeform, it's all a metaphor of course, spoilers for a scene at the end of the latest tv spot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-11 23:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12946674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvestria/pseuds/Silvestria
Summary: Rey does what she has to in the heat of battle. The consequences are extraordinary.





	they would want no other

He has been taken down. Rey feels it through the bond, a dull thud of pain like the memory of a blow. It is not a crippling injury, he is not in immediate danger of his life, but it is enough to distract her as her eyes dart to his and off the Praetorian guard she has been fighting. A well-aimed blaster bolt knocks her saber out of her hand and sends it skidding across the room. She takes a step back, her equilibrium as damaged as her defences, and she inwardly curses him for being the cause of her distraction. In this moment they may be fighting on the same side (and she's still not sure how she feels about that) but it's not as if they're friend; he's certainly not someone she wants to have to worry about in a fight.

Her awareness of the Force tells her about the guard approaching her from behind without needing to look, making Kylo’s strangled cry of “Rey! Behind you!” unnecessary. Her hand stretches out, naked without her saber, and she wonders if she can blast them with the Force, but she cannot fight them both at the same time. Panic bleeds across the bond and her eyes go to him again. He has raised himself up on one elbow and is staring at her wildly, intensely, hopefully. He still holds his saber and somehow - she does not whether the thought comes to him or her first or both of them together - somehow, her hand is held out in his direction as if she is reaching for him and he is reaching for her too and the saber, that unstable, unwieldy, terrifying crimson saber, is flying across the room and into her hands, igniting in a rush of heat and power the moment her fingers wraps round the hilt.

She feels it instantly but has no time to process it before she is lunging forward and cutting a swathe through the charged air and knocking down one guard, then another, then spinning and taking out a third. There is no time to acknowledge the guttural shout pulled out of Kylo’s very soul as the saber ignites in her hand, no time to thrill at the burst of pure heat and power that hits her in an almost overpowering wave, no time to learn to master this saber, so different to her own. It is pulsing in her hand, hot and angry and with a life of its own that does not automatically bend to her will. The crossblades make it unbalanced, thick and heavy; it pulls her away from where she would choose to go and her expression, if only she could see it, is rabid and frightening as she wrestles with it. She was dangerous before but she is terrifying now.

The saber pulls her round in time to see two guards bearing down on Kylo. With a snarl that she does not even recognise as her own, she charges them, sparks scattering, and in two wide sweeps that almost tip her over but pull her upright at the last minute, she deflects a blaster bolt, knocks a staff out of the hand of the other and cleaves a wound down the back of the one closest to Kylo.

He is staring at her, his mouth open, his eyes wide and glazed and it is like - it is like- But she has no frame of reference for what it is like. The Force shimmers all around her, causing prickles of warmth on her skin and his gaze on her as he gets to his feet, both his eyes and the shuddering of his mind on the edges of hers in equal turmoil, add another layer of pulsing stabs of awareness.

There are fewer guards than there were - this is all down to her - and when she swings round again to deflect a blaster shot, she feels something change in the way the saber responds to her. Its pull on her is just as strong but she is able to pull back now and she is becoming used to its own uneven rhythm and crackle. There's even something exciting and exhilarating about it. Another shot deflected, another blaster knocked out of a hand - and then she feels it.

The saber almost leaps out of her hand and a shudder runs through her, but it is nothing to with Kylo’s lightsaber that causes the reaction. In the corner of her eye she sees blue and in the corner of her mind she feels awe and a swooping excitement that makes her own stomach lurch and plummet in response.

He has recovered her saber, the one he claims is his own, while she has been fighting. His face is even paler now, illuminated in the blue glow of her steady, true saber fire. He cuts down the last guard and then they are staring at each other, the other’s lightsaber raised in their hands.

The silence and stillness feels odd after the exhilaration of the battle. Kylo’s lightsaber is noisy in comparison to her own; it crackles and whispers like breaths against her skin. Her skin is warm and oddly sensitive, as if the physicality of the fight has somehow heightened her perception of her own body and where every scrap of material drags against her arms and thighs and stomach. Her heart thuds in her chest and her breaths are great, shuddering gasps.

“Come on,” says Kylo. He can't take his eyes off her and the hand holding her lightsaber is trembling.

He is always inconveniently there now, hovering on the edge of her consciousness but he is particularly close right now and she is aware of him as a physical entity in a way she never has been before. The almost imperceptible tremble in his hand is only the beginning. There is also the way his chest rises and falls in exactly the same moments as hers. The way his other hand clenches and flexes at his side. The way his dark cuffs brush torturously against the skin of his wrists. The way his Adam’s apple bobs and presses against his tight collar as he swallows, his eyes never leaving hers. And how has she never noticed the gold sparks in his dark eyes before? The fullness of his lips and the beads of moisture clinging to them? The faint colour of exertion tingeing his high cheekbones? She feels all of this more than she sees it. She has never felt closer to another human being in all her life and she is not even close enough to touch him. 

“Yes.” Her mouth is dry, her voice rough.

He hesitates. They should run now, escape the devastation before they are found and before Rey becomes overwhelmed with what she has done. Instead, he takes an uncharacteristically uncertain step towards her. “We should-”

She understands him. “Yes.” She deactivates his lightsaber and stumbles at the release of tension this brings. He rushes forward as if to catch her, deactivating her own saber at the same time before stopping abruptly just out of reach. They exchange them somberly, acutely aware of the way the very air around them seems charged with the Force. Rey’s fingertips tingle with static as they pass millimetres from Kylo’s and she takes her own saber back. He does not try to keep it, not this time.

The oddness she has felt disappears somewhat with her own saber in her hand, but relinquishing Kylo’s lightsaber leaves an unexpected emptiness behind, as if something she never knew she had in the first place has been wrenched out of her, leaving a void behind. She is thirsty to fill it and wants to reach for him - for the _saber_ \- to replace what is lost, but she does not know how to go about it. His jaw works, his lips squirm, and she knows that every sensation she is experiencing is mirrored in him.

“Don't be afraid,” she finds herself saying, “I feel it too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I watched the latest tv spot and was just so excited for Rey using Kylo's lightsaber! It reminded me of the moment in "The Amber Spyglass" where Will and Lyra touch each other's daemons as a symbol for adult and sexual awakening. That's where I got the title from:
> 
>  _"And she knew too that neither daemon would change now, having felt a lover's hands on them. These were their shapes for life: they would want no other."_ ~ Philip Pullman, "The Amber Spyglass".
> 
> After that tv spot, I'm going spoiler dark, so please don't post any additional spoilers in the comments! Thank you and I hope you enjoy the last few days of speculation before TLJ! :D


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